Needles...Needles...Everywhere

I resolved my insurance and ordered all my meds. They arrived today. Woohoo!!! Unpacking the package brought back all the memories. The lovely red Sharps Container. Different gauge needles. All the different kind of meds. Let the party begin!!! LOL

I am happy to have all this taken care of. I got all my meds and most of them were covered by insurance or at least partially which surprised me. With fertility drugs, one never knows. I was fully expecting to pay everything out of pocket. What a pleasant surprise! Still wasn't cheap, but at least it's something. It was cheaper than it could have been.

So, there you go. Now, I wait. I started the Aygestin and other than giving me some headaches I am ok. I go in next week for a blood test and then start the Lupron a week from Friday. Woohoo - bring on the Hot Flashes! ;) With this whole IVF stuff, I have gotten a glimpse of what menopause will be like - lucky, huh? I still find Hot Flashes the craziest thing - I mean it really is that - a flash. You are fine one minute and then all of a sudden you are sweating buckets and feel the need to strip layers of clothing off. Since I am cycling a lot later in the year this time around, it'll be interesting to see how it all pans out. I mean as it is we are already registering over 100+ degrees out here - with Lupron-induced hot flashes - oh, dear! I'll be in for a fun experience!

Anyways - I am at the starting gate. My blocks are in place and now I just wait for the starting shot! :)

At The Starting Gates

I went and had another blood test today and also got my schedule for the August Cycle. There is something slightly daunting and oddly exciting about having a schedule. Daunting and scary because of all the meds - directions, instructions etc. Exciting because I am an insane OCD/control freak nutjob and do so better when I have a plan. I am great with lists. Love them. I am great at following directions. Sigh...I am already nutty and I haven't even pumped with hormones yet.

Today I have been essentially figuring out what meds insurance will cover and what we have to pay outright. Also, my clinic is looking into what I can get from donated meds etc. It's giving me a headache. I just want this resolved, ordered, and be ready to go. I started with Aygestin today. Supposed to take it twice a day (morning and night). I go in again next Wednesday for another blood test and then am supposed to start the Lupron Injections on 7/30. Ahh - my head hurts!

Tomorrow I have to call my IVF Co-ordinator again with follow-up question and to resolve all these med ordering issues. Hopefully, I can resolve it tomorrow. I'd like it all nice and settled so I don't have to focus on it anymore. Also, have to stop by the pharmacy and pick up the few meds that my insurance DID cover. Fun stuff!

I started entering the dates for all the important cycle happenings and my quiet and mostly empty calendar just exploded for the month of July/August! Sheesh! If you ever want to feel like you have a crazy busy schedule just sign up for an IVF cycle and voila your life is suddenly chockfull of appointments, must do's, have to's etc! It's all coming back to me. Ok - more like it's all hitting me with the force of a mad truck going 80 miles an hour! Again, my head hurts!

Anyways, it's all good. Once I resolve all this meds stuff, I'll breathe easier and can just look forward to getting loopy on Lupron and making sure I dig up my heating pad in preparation for my Progesterone Oil injections. It's all coming back - like riding a bike. Something you just never forget...

Sorry for the rambling and slightly off-focus post. I feel like a runner trying to set up her blocks at the starting gates and fumbling with it while everyone is waiting idly by for me to be set up. I want to be ready and focused, but feel still quite unsettled. As the great control freak that I am, this is not easy for me. Sigh...

Aacck - did I mention my head hurts??? Going to bed...tomorrow is another day.

All Clear

Today LOML & I went in to meet with Dr BT to go over the results of the hysteroscopy I had last week. According to Dr BT, everything looked great. All the biopsies came back negative so that's all good news. :) Yay! All my previous diagnostic tests came back good - no thyroid issues. I am not anemic etc. So overall no issues were found. Not that I thought anything was wrong, but you never know so it is nice to have things confirmed. :)

Now, I just have to have a period and call the office on my first day. Then, I'll go in to have some blood drawn and will either be put on more birth control pills or something else. When I come in for the blood draw, they'll give me a more detailed calendar for my potential cycle in August and we'll go from there.

Step by step...a few steps behind us...many more to go, but so far we are doing all right.

Polyp-Free

Hysteroscopy went fine overall. Yesterday, I was a bit woozy, dizzy, exhausted from the anesthesia, but overall Dr BT was right and the recovery was fast. The actual procedure took about 15 mins, but then I was kept there for a while so that I can get the anesthesia out of system. All I remember was being set up in the OR and then waking up in the recovery room! :)

Usually, I am pretty good with anesthesia. It doesn't really affect me very much or takes me very long to feel normal again. After yesterday's procedure though, it took me a while. I am not sure if it was due to me being older or if they gave me more than I usually get, but boy oh boy was it hard to function after the surgery. Thankfully, my parents came over to watch Jack since I definitely did not have the energy to run after a 3 1/2 year old. I even ended up calling it a day at 7:30pm since I just couldn't keep my eyes open.

Today I feel much better. I am awake and don't feel like a truck ran me over...twice! That is a definite plus! :) I do have some cramping though on and off which isn't too pleasant but not too bad either. It's to be expected and I guess could be a whole lot worse. :)

In any case, my post-op consultation is next week - 7/14. That's when Dr BT will go over the results of the biopsy. He did come talk to me after the surgery and I did really try to follow everything he was saying, but as said I was still a bit out of it all. I do remember him saying things looked good. He saw some scarring probably from the pregnancy so he took that out as well as the polyp he saw during the sonoghysterogram. Once he gets the results, we'll go over them and figure out the next steps! I guess we'll see how it all goes.

For now, I am just pleased to have it over with. It was nice to come home and see my boys. :) Before I left for my appointment, Jack asked why I couldn't drive myself. I told him that this time I couldn't since the Dr has to check me out more and will put me to sleep so when I am done I can't drive myself. He looked at me all confused and said, but "No, Mommy! You can't go to sleep. You sleep with us here!" It was cute. :) Ahh - he's the reason for life. He's the reason for all of it. Love that little man.

Anyways, so far so good...more to follow I am sure.

Ready? I guess so...

I went in today for my Pre-op Appointment. Overall it was pretty uneventful. I just had to sign some "consenting to surgery may end up in death" paperwork. Always fun activity for the morning. Sigh! I am scheduled to go in at 9am tomorrow to talk with the anesthesiologist and then have my actual surgery at 9:30am. LOML & Jack plan to drop me off and then pick up after a couple of hours since I can't drive myself. Fun stuff!

Dr BT did his pre-op thing and told me it'll be pretty straight-forward. I should remember how this all went, but it's been a few years so my memory is a bit fuzzy. Recovery should be fast, but I decided to take the day off from work anyways. Better be safe than sorry. I am older. Been through more so who knows how I'll react to things.

Hopefully, all should be well and I'll be in/out without any issues. However, just in case, I decided to have my talk with LOML last night. You know - just in case something happens. It was weird to have that conversation, but I felt the need to do it since this time around it doesn't just involve me. This time I am not just a wife, but now I am a Mom. Now, I am Jack's Mom. As it is, every time I leave for a Doctor's Appointment and tell Jack, he tells me "I'll miss you, Mommy!" And then when I come back he gives me a big hug and smile.

So the talk was had. My wishes known in case the worst case scenarios occur. Of course, I hope none of those will be needed, but given that I am older. Given that my body has been through more since my last encounter with this procedure, I want to make sure my bases are covered. Crazy things happen to people all the time. I am not foolish enough to think that I am immune to that.

I hope all goes without a hitch tomorrow. I hope that a week from tomorrow the pathology report gives me the all clear and we can move on. Anything involving my uterus is always a journey - this time it's no different. However, the only difference this time is that I am Jack's Mom. I have a little guy that still needs me. My life is not my own anymore. It's his too - especially his. When I did all this a few years ago I went about it with fierce and blind determination, I can't do that anymore. I am cautious. I am careful because my decisions do not just affect me anymore. I have a responsibility to my little guy. To LOML. I need to be healthy. I need to be ok. I need to come home. I want to have the chance to continue to come home and be a recipient of those hugs and smiles.

Anyways - we'll see how it all goes. Sigh - life is never easy....

All Scheduled

The date is set. July 7th I'll go in and under to have my little pesky polyp removed - snipped off etc. Hopefully, all goes without a hitch and it turns out to be nothing. We shall see.

Life has been busy. Work has been insanely busy. I have upped my hours to full-time status now. I still do the work from home and can still maintain a flexible schedule so I can still have quality time with my little boy which I appreciate.

If I do manage to pass all the diagnostic tests and continue on with a frozen cycle, I wonder how I'll maintain that and the very full work and Mommy schedule. I guess I'll see how it goes when we get there. Too many unknowns for now. One step at a time. I know every step of this journey is precarious and fragile. Nothing. NOTHING is a given in my scenario. I learned that a long time ago. There are good intention and hope but absolutely no certainty.

For now, I am working towards making it through my hysteroscopy. I have to tell my manager that I need to take the day of for minor surgery since I am supposed to rest after. Should hopefully not be a big deal.

Anyways - it's Saturday. We're going to take Jack to a trial tee-ball class this morning. We'll see how it goes. Last week we tried to see if he wanted to take a tumbling class, but that didn't go well. The moment we stepped into the place he announced "No Way! Not this. Too many girls!" He was right - the place was littered with little girls in leotards. There was only one boy. No convincing to try would change his mind so we left. Sigh! My guy is definitely a little boy and proud of it. Must be a nature versus nurture thing since I certainly haven't taught him to only favor boy activities or things but he is certainly very set on them...playing with cars, swords, trucks, basketball, soccer - boy things. It's interesting and yet a little baffling!

We'll see how he likes tee-ball. Hope he at least gives it a try. He can be such a stickler sometimes. Sigh!

And So We Begin Again...

I started my diagnostic testing in the beginning of June. I completed the blood panel, and physical, and today finished the sonohystereogram. Fun Stuff!

Unfortunately, Dr BT found a polyp in my uterine lining so I will have to schedule a hysteroscopy and cut that thing out. I sort of expected that I would have polyps in there given my history, but anticipating it and seeing it become reality are two different things. I am waiting for them to get authorization from my insurance company and once they do I can schedule the procedure. I'll have to be put under for it. I should remember it, but it's been a while so things have gotten blurry. Sigh!

Dr BT said it usually doesn't turn out to be anything, but of course they'll biopsy the thing and let me know the results. Mainly, he was concerned about its location since it in the spot where they would place the embryo during transfer and of course with that in mind they want my uterine lining to be smooth and polyps-free so off I go to another procedure.

At this point, I hope we get the authorization quickly so I can just get on with it. I am already in the mode of having things worked on so the sooner things get taken care of the better. I asked Dr BT about my other tests and he said so far so good - they all came out ok. I guess that's good. I hope nothing comes off this polyps thing either and it is just my basic MO - scar tissue from now perioding regularly. I guess we won't know until it's actually out. The one thing I can say though is that my body is consistent. Sheesh!

Anyways, I am tired. Work has been tough. Starting the Doctor Process is exhausting in its own way ... oh and of course the fact that this time around I also have a three year old boy to contend with which makes things a bit harder but also infinitely better.

It's only the beginning. More things to come, I presume.